gurgle.com blog

I've found the perfect solution to help lose that 'mum tum' we're all left with post birth. Whilst visiting my parents with the girls we visited one of those soft play children's areas called 'Magicland'. It basically consisted of a huge cage filled with tunnels, tiny gaps, holes and steps, bridges, obstacles and two huge slides for children to play on. To get to the slides you had to crawl through the obstacle course. Of course The Bean was too small to be allowed to roam around the cage on her own (damn, some parents got to sit and drink bad quality coffee and 'fat' chips) so I had to accompany her into the hellhole! Now, I'm six foot, and quite ungainly and this room was made particularly for those under five foot. I found myself twisting, turning and squeezing through holes to keep up with The Bean. I got stuck, got laughed at by a group of vicious four-year-olds and got my head kicked by a little snotty boy. Most of the room could see my bum as I crawled through tunnel after tunnel whilst my jeans inched themselves further south.

The upside was that to keep up with The Bean's pace I had to be incredible physical. Forget the gym membership or swimming - visit a soft room and try to keep up with an active toddler. I used muscles i've never used climbing through those tunnels and squeezing through those holes! Admit it, when was the last time you raced over an Indiana Jones bridge holding a two-year-old or climbed up huge rainbow steps to swing on a rope swing over a huge gap... It was Gladiators for toddlers!

My husband D, is so obsessed with Fantasy Football League (and roped in all of the husbands we know) that i've decided to form a book group with the WAGS of the league. We're calling ourselves FFWAGS, sad I know, but I had to do something. Please let me know if you're also dreading the return of the football season...!

So Thursday started with me bundling the girls into the car to go to a studio in North London where The Bean was doing a shoot for M&S kids! She's been doing a little bit of modeling since she was a baby, so as soon as I started my maternity leave she started doing bits and pieces again. Obviously the hardest thing is to tame a two year old who knows her own mind and takes direction from NOBODY! I generally use the age old technique of bribery, i.e 'If you are good today you can have some chocolate buttons'. The people are pretty good on the shoots and are well used to dealing with little people, so I can sit back and watch them try to make The Bean smile and not suck her thumb. They made her choose her own outfit, and you've guessed it, she chose pink, pink and pink!

We then rushed to the car and made our way to Five News where I was appearing on the lunchtime slot to talk about the recent report gurgle.com had commissioned on baby names. You may have heard the story as it was all over the radios, papers and TV, but we looked into the trends in baby names over the last 100 years to see which names have kept their popularity and which ones are declining in the popularity stakes. Popular names through the ages were names like William, Thomas and Elizabeth which are as popular now as they were 100 years ago. Not so popular and rapidly declining as a 'cool' name for parents these days is Richard (actually my brother and father in law's name) Norman, Percy and Walter and Gertrude, Edna and Ethel for girls. Certainly names I don't hear much in the play ground. If you're having trouble picking a name for your little one, don't forget to visit www.gurgle.com/babynames for loads of ideas...

Five news decided that they wanted me to do the live chat with both my girls on my lap. Mmmm, I tanked Pops up with milk before hand as I didn't think they'd be too pleased if I whipped out a boob live on air. However It wasn't Pops I had to worry about, as soon as the cameras started rolling The Bean started to talk to the presenter, telling her, 'my name is Ivy and my sister is called Poppy'. Then she started explaining that her daddy was at work, and before I had a chance to say much else our time was up. Upstaged by a two year old, i'm getting used to it!

Finally after dropping The Bean off with her dad, Pops and I got a taxi to Sky news' political broadcasting center where I did a live chat with Sky news about baby names while someone minded Pops. It was strange to see my baby in such an austere, political setting! What a day - I'll try to get links up to the interviews, especially the one where The Bean steals the limelight. I have a feeling this is the way things are going to be from now on...

Now The Bean talks in full sentences it's great having funny little conversations with her, often without any sense. I love fathoming out how her mind is working so I can understand a bit of toddler logic... for example, this is an extract of a conversation we have had.

Bean: Mummy you can't drive
Me: Yes I can, why can't I drive?
Bean: Because you've got boobs mummy

Is this early sexism passed on to my two year old from the male race? Or did she take in more than I imagined when a builder on my road helped me into a tight reverse park and when I thanked him he said, 'that's OK, you women need all the help you can get'! I was fuming and felt like backing into his stupid orange cement mixer on purpose. Just for the record, I'm pretty damn good at reverse parking...

Other hilarious conversations include:

Me: Your dolly's shoes have fallen off, can you put them on again?
Bean: No Mummy I can't
Me: Why not
Bean: My belly button might fall off

and

Bean: How old are you Mummy?
Me: How old do you think?
Bean: One, two
Me: I'm two plus twenty-eight
(then later on on the bus)
My mummy is two plus 'tenty-ate'...

More worrying is my friend's five year old who commented while she was getting out of the shower, 'Small boobs, big bum' then chanted it like a mantra all morning. I've got that to look forward to. It's only a matter of time before I hear The Bean ask an embarrassing question like, 'Mummy, why is that man so fat?' For now I'm just enjoying having an insight into the complicated world of being a toddler through her speech.