June 2008 Entries
So Pops is the perfect baby all day, she practically sleeps all the time and when she is awake she is very calm and contented. She's also the perfect baby at night, she wakes every three hours for a feed and goes straight back to sleep again. The problem seems to be in the evenings. Now I know I shouldn't complain as she is so good, but I am determined to reclaim my evenings. From about 8pm onwards (roughly the time I put The Bean to bed and start winding down) Pops starts crying and only seems satisfied when she is continuously feeding from me. She get quite frustrated at the breast and her whole demeanor is unsettled. At around 11pm when I go to bed she has her last feed and settles for the night. Is this colic? My instincts tell me not, because she doesn't seem that upset, but bouts of unexplained crying do suggest colic. I wouldn't mind getting my evenings back, just so I can feel sane after being with a toddler and a newborn all day. It's also tiring to feed Pops all evening. On the plus side my baby weight is dropping off rapidly because Pops is taking so much from me! Today I had my six-week 'third degree tear' check, where they check the stitches and the healing process. My mum always told me that after you have a baby you lose all inhibitions and smear tests and the like are a breeze. Well, this wasn't exactly a breeze, but I definitely didn't feel embarrassed as I beared all.... Thankfully everything is healing well and the consultant even mentioned whether I planned to have more children! Mmmmmmm Some of you have emailed me about not being able to register onto gurgle.com recently. We're sorry for any complications anyone experiences and we know about the problem. We are constantly updating and trying to make gurgle.com better for you, but sometimes in the process, snags can happen. We are working to fix this and we hope you continue to visit gurgle for all your parenting queries whilst we update the site. We promise you you an even better gurgle eventually!
Yep, it's official, i'm exhausted! Juggling a toddler and new baby is definitely hard work. I laugh at statements I read in books like 'sleep when your baby is sleeping' and 'try to get as much rest as possible'. The problem with looking after two children of different ages is that they aren't in synch when it comes to sleep, which means no time off at all for mummy. I'm surviving by drinking loads of cups of tea - who knows what effect this has on breastmilk! I'm reading 'The Best Friends Guide to Motherhood', by Vicki Iovine, and she states that if a normal human being experienced that same sleep deprivation as a new mum, they would be verging on psychotic by now! Luckily, second time around, you're well used to it and you also realise that it doesn't last forever.
The other issue is remembering to eat. The first time around when The Bean was born I remember being hungry all the time, but this time, possibly because i've got quite a lot on my hands, I keep forgetting to eat and have basically survived on cereal or finishing off The Bean's leftover sweetcorn. I'm going home to see my mum tomorrow so I'm looking forward to being pampered with food (mum already phoned me to ask whether i wanted a roast - Mmmmm) cups of tea and the ultimate luxury - a bath!
My eyes are feeling heavy as i'm writing this and I know that even if I do fall asleep, i'll have to wake in a couple of hours to feed Pops, still, both my girls are fast asleep so i'll take advantage of the situation and get some shut eye, if only for 20 mins....
The Bean has started biting and hitting other children at the toddler group we go to. I can't ignore the fact that her behaviour coincides with the arrival of Pops, but it could also be the terrible twos. It's fairly embarrassing when your child is the only one in the room being horrible to other children. At home we sit her on the naughty step and let her know what she has done wrong, at nursery I give her a stern telling off and remove her from any situation which is fraught but she still seems to misbehave day after day.
Of course she is a perfect angel for her Dad, so I half suspect he doesn't believe me when I tell him the mischief she's been making... I asked my mum what I was like as a toddler and guess what - I went through a stage of biting and hitting other children when I was two years old - Is history repeating itself? Has she inherited something from two-year-old me? At least my mum said it didn't last for long, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a bad mother when my child has whacked someone over the head with a saucepan! All suggestions on dealing with naughty toddler will be greatly appreciated!
Pops is sleeping well and because of The Bean's behaviour, largely gets ignored. This is probably a good thing and I'm hoping she be less needy in the long run... I still feel guilty that I can't spend enough one-on-one time with her, as I did with The Bean when she was small. I've talked to other mums and this seems to be a familiar worry for most second-time-around parents. I wonder of it is easier for Octopus' when they have second babies - what I need are more arms...
I went to a Hen 'lunch' on saturday and took Pops. Because she is only three weeks old and sleeps for almost all of the time she's great to take out and about with me. In fact she slept quite happily when someone else's four year old stepped on her carrycot, not realising their was a baby asleep! We had lunch at Petersham Nurseries in Richmond, which was lovely. There were three of us breastfeeding and two pregnant ladies and one with a toddler, but the restaurant staff didn't seem to mind and nor did the other diners. It's really refreshing to know that people are more tolerant of breastfeeding in public now. It is also worth mentioning that we were all very discreet and had muslins covering our modesty. So there you have it, yes it was a hen night, and no i'm afraid we stuck to white wine spritzers but at least we got our boobs out...
I had to take Pops for her first 'weigh in'. Unfortunately the nice friendly GP's who used to hold the baby clinic have stopped doing it now (it's apparently down to funding) and I had to drive to a clinic ages away, park the car on a meter and rush to be seen by 11.30am. Getting out of the house with a toddler and a newborn is a military mission - I have to be ultra organised - which I am not - and I have to remember two sets of nappies/wipes/muslins/juice/snacks and of course sanitary towels!
The good news is that Pops has put on loads of weight - she's nearly ten pounds (I can't believe some women have to give birth to ten pound babies - not sure i'd fancy that!) It also means that breastfeeding is going well, although Pops still tends to cluster feed in the evening. This means she is basically feeding continuously all evening until I go to bed at around 11pm. I mentioned this to the health visitor who suggested that Pops could have a bit of colic and she might be feeding for comfort rather than hunger. Her advice was to properly wind Pops after every feed, for at least a minute. I've probably rushed winding her a bit because i've had to deal with The Bean, so now I'm going to take more time over Pops to see if this helps.
It's a quiet moment as i'm typing this. Both my daughters are asleep. The health visitor asked if i was managing to get any rest in the day as this can help with my milk supply - i practically laughed in her face. It's very rare that they sleep at the same time and if they do i have mountains of washing to sort out... might just close my eyes and have a quick rest now though...Zzzzzzzz
No one said it would be easy looking after a newborn and a toddler but I AM TIRED! The Bean is definitely having more tantrums than usual and it's a battle to get her to do anything. I basically have to bargain with her to do the simplest thing; if you put your shoes on we can go to the park, or, if you have a nap now like a good girl, we'll go and have a babychino in Starbucks (yes -tragically this is one of my bargainning tools!) I know the terrible twos have coincided with the birth of my second daughter so most of The Bean's behaviour is probably because my attention is elsewhere at the moment. The problem is i'm breastfeeding Pops on demand, so The Bean is left up to her own naughty devices while this happens. This morning we were at a mother and toddler group and whilst I was feeding Pops I saw The Bean twist another little boys EAR because he was trying to take her pretend croissant out of the pretend cooker. Part of me wanted to laugh (male/female power struggle in the kitchen?) , but instead I dashed across the room with Pops still attached to me and told The Bean off - yep comical!
On the plus side, The Bean keeps telling me that she loves me which is possibly the sweetest thing your child can ever say - whether they understand the meaning or not. Pops is still a really content newborn and we are approaching three weeks old this week. Time seems to be flying by already and Pops has lost that 'newborn' look. She has small pink spots similar to acne on her face, which I remember The Bean having. Her skin is also peeling which the midwife says is because her skin was submerged in water when she was inside me so is reacting to the world outside! I'm giving her massages with olive oil to help. Pops practically sleeps all day, but sadly not all night. Last night she decided she was hungry every two hours, but she went straight to sleep after each feed so I still don't feel as shattered as I did with The Bean where I was pacing the bedroom trying to get her to fall asleep again. The health visitor reminded me that because we live in London, Pops has to have her BCG injection soon... it just seems so cruel!
The Bean is SO ready to be potty trained. She tells me each time she needs a wee or poo, but because I also have a three week old baby i'm burying my head about it. Think how much i'd have to pack in my already bulging Cath Kidston bag if I had to take a few changes of clothes for The Bean too... I will have to start soon though as The Bean starts nursery in September and I would really like her to be potty trained before then. Plus she HATES nappies!
And as for me... i'm pretty low down on the priority list once i've got the girls sorted and fed and washed, but i've finished the pain killers the hospital prescribed when I was discharged so i'm surviving on Paracetamol. It's still painful to get up and down from the sofa as anyone who has had third degree tears will agree, but each day is better. I'm sure i'd be in more pain if i'd had a c-section? I'm just re-reading Jools Oliver's book, Minus nine to one, as it's interesting to see how she coped with a toddler and a newborn. It is lovely and rewarding and I feel very lucky, but i'm also exhausted and have NO time to myself anymore. To top it off this week Desperate Housewives finishes and so does The Apprentice - the only thing on TV seems to be football matches for Euro 2008 which seems unfair - when is there a month of TV for the ladies?
Thankfully Pops and I were 'released' from hospital after two days which was great because I couldn't cope with the hospital food any longer. I know it's a cliche to moan about the food, but I was told by the consultant to eat lots of leafy green vegetables because I had lost so much blood during the delivery, but on inspection of the hospital food 'menu', pasty and chips was the healthiest option - it was worse than school dinners. A Jamie Oliver shake up is drastically needed!
On our way home from hospital I reminded my husband that he was now living in a household with three females. This basically means he is lowest down in the pecking order for everything, especially when it comes to his clothes getting washed. He seemed to accept this with resigned reluctance, whilst our brand new daughter snuffled happily in her car seat!
Luckily my mother-in-law was staying at ours for a few days, mainly to look after The Bean, but also to help out in general. Most of you would be horrified at the thought of your mother-in-law staying after you have had a baby, but if you have a boisterous two year old to look after too, you'd be glad of any help whilst you get settled. The strangest thing is thinking that we are now a family of four. Suddenly the parenting 'game' seems very serious and with one child you can still get away with having slices of your old life (which basically means taking The Bean to dinner parties and putting her to bed at friend's houses), but with two children you feel you really become a family. It also means you never have any time to yourself as you both have one child each to look after!
Pops is amazing (I'm sure all new parents think this) but because my experience of a newborn is The Bean who was five weeks premature, this time it seems totally different. Pops sleeps ALL the time and goes a good four/five hours at night. It took The Bean ages to do this. Pops was also able to breastfeed straight after she was born, whereas The Bean took a while to get the hang of it because she was so small. I also think I am more relaxed as a mother and i'm sure this rubs off on Pops. She also gets left all the time because I have to deal with The Bean's needs too.
The down side to the euphoric newborn period is having to take copious amounts of painkillers because of the third degree tears and subsequent surgery. I am literally taking so many tablets to quell the pain it's ridiculous, but essential. I forgot to take a dose yesterday and OUCH I could barely sit down! The other post partum delight i'd forgotten about is post partum bleeding. Mmmm a toddler in nappies, a newborn in nappies and a mummy in, well....
The great things about having a newborn again are...
1) The smell of a newborn baby - if someone could bottle the lovely milky smell of a newborn they'd make a fortune
2) The way newborn babies sleep anywhere especially in the nook of your arm
3) Letting the housework got to pot and then not feeling too guilty when your mother turns up and does it...
4) Digging out all The Bean's tiny baby grows and socks
5) Being able to see your toes again and watching your body (slowly) going back to normal
6) Endless cuddles
The not so great things about having a newborn again...
1) Obviously lack of sleep, but I really cannot complain about this as Pops is such a good sleeper
2) Not being able to go to the cinema to watch Sex and the City or Indiana Jones as I am breastfeeding
3) Smelling of baby sick and being proud of it
OK, there are far more positives to having a newborn than negatives, which is of course is why we go on to have more children despite knowing that we'll have baby sick on both shoulders for the next six months...