gurgle.com blog

So Thursday started with me bundling the girls into the car to go to a studio in North London where The Bean was doing a shoot for M&S kids! She's been doing a little bit of modeling since she was a baby, so as soon as I started my maternity leave she started doing bits and pieces again. Obviously the hardest thing is to tame a two year old who knows her own mind and takes direction from NOBODY! I generally use the age old technique of bribery, i.e 'If you are good today you can have some chocolate buttons'. The people are pretty good on the shoots and are well used to dealing with little people, so I can sit back and watch them try to make The Bean smile and not suck her thumb. They made her choose her own outfit, and you've guessed it, she chose pink, pink and pink!

We then rushed to the car and made our way to Five News where I was appearing on the lunchtime slot to talk about the recent report gurgle.com had commissioned on baby names. You may have heard the story as it was all over the radios, papers and TV, but we looked into the trends in baby names over the last 100 years to see which names have kept their popularity and which ones are declining in the popularity stakes. Popular names through the ages were names like William, Thomas and Elizabeth which are as popular now as they were 100 years ago. Not so popular and rapidly declining as a 'cool' name for parents these days is Richard (actually my brother and father in law's name) Norman, Percy and Walter and Gertrude, Edna and Ethel for girls. Certainly names I don't hear much in the play ground. If you're having trouble picking a name for your little one, don't forget to visit www.gurgle.com/babynames for loads of ideas...

Five news decided that they wanted me to do the live chat with both my girls on my lap. Mmmm, I tanked Pops up with milk before hand as I didn't think they'd be too pleased if I whipped out a boob live on air. However It wasn't Pops I had to worry about, as soon as the cameras started rolling The Bean started to talk to the presenter, telling her, 'my name is Ivy and my sister is called Poppy'. Then she started explaining that her daddy was at work, and before I had a chance to say much else our time was up. Upstaged by a two year old, i'm getting used to it!

Finally after dropping The Bean off with her dad, Pops and I got a taxi to Sky news' political broadcasting center where I did a live chat with Sky news about baby names while someone minded Pops. It was strange to see my baby in such an austere, political setting! What a day - I'll try to get links up to the interviews, especially the one where The Bean steals the limelight. I have a feeling this is the way things are going to be from now on...

Now The Bean talks in full sentences it's great having funny little conversations with her, often without any sense. I love fathoming out how her mind is working so I can understand a bit of toddler logic... for example, this is an extract of a conversation we have had.

Bean: Mummy you can't drive
Me: Yes I can, why can't I drive?
Bean: Because you've got boobs mummy

Is this early sexism passed on to my two year old from the male race? Or did she take in more than I imagined when a builder on my road helped me into a tight reverse park and when I thanked him he said, 'that's OK, you women need all the help you can get'! I was fuming and felt like backing into his stupid orange cement mixer on purpose. Just for the record, I'm pretty damn good at reverse parking...

Other hilarious conversations include:

Me: Your dolly's shoes have fallen off, can you put them on again?
Bean: No Mummy I can't
Me: Why not
Bean: My belly button might fall off

and

Bean: How old are you Mummy?
Me: How old do you think?
Bean: One, two
Me: I'm two plus twenty-eight
(then later on on the bus)
My mummy is two plus 'tenty-ate'...

More worrying is my friend's five year old who commented while she was getting out of the shower, 'Small boobs, big bum' then chanted it like a mantra all morning. I've got that to look forward to. It's only a matter of time before I hear The Bean ask an embarrassing question like, 'Mummy, why is that man so fat?' For now I'm just enjoying having an insight into the complicated world of being a toddler through her speech.

Potty training a toddler and breastfeeding a small baby means that sometimes both things happen in inappropriate places!

Places I have breastfed both my girls include:

Yo Sushi (no one noticed, I was very discreet and Pops was in a sling)
BMI business lounge toilets (too many suits to whip a boob out so I headed sheepishly to the loos)
Practically every Mothercare in the UK (they have great feeding rooms)
Starbucks
On an Aer Lingus flight, a BMI Flight, an Iberia flight and a British Airways flight
In the front seat of my car in a lay-by on an A road off the M4
In a marquee at a friend's wedding (I've also expressed milk in a room at the bride's parent's house when someone walked in and asked me, 'what the hell are you doing!')
Many many times in our local park
At the Giant's Causeway on the North coast of Ireland
At Petersham Nurseries in Richmond (there were a few of breastfeeding at the time)
My local pub (I was in the beer garden and I don't think anyone noticed)
On the 52 bus going into town...

So far I have cleared up 'little accidents' from potty training in...
Every room in my house, particularly the carpeted rooms
My car
Nursery
My sister's house
My parent's house
My in-law's house
Our garden
My neighbour's garden
My friend's garden and house
My husband's work (no-one knew...I hope...)

I'm also very proud of my husband this week who phoned up LBC - London's talk radio station to stand up for breastfeeding. The presenter was slating women who breastfeed in public, particularly in restaurants. He also thought that families should have segregated sections on planes so that travellers without children weren't irritated by kids! My husband's arguments were quite simple.

a) If they expect couples with babies to NEVER go out for about a year after they have babies then fine, but the fact that there are places we know we can go and eat and DISCREETLY breastfeed, means we can have a semi-normal existence.

b) Most women we know who breastfeed are very discreet about it

c) For all those who can't stand public breastfeeding, there are plenty of women who can't stand the sideways glances and the dissaproving looks whilst they feed their babies.

And as for the aeroplane issue, well, families being segregated - i'd thought we'd moved on from putting people to the back of the bus!

Anyway, it was very funny listening to my husband standing up for my discreet but public breastfeeding! Thanks....

Ok, The Bean is just over two, but holidaying with small children is hard work and rewarding! The nicest part was having my husband around the whole time which meant I could have a few luxuries like indulge in an hour long bath (I haven't had a bath since Pops was born, it's quick showers for me I'm afraid), and read a novel (Two doors down, by Annie McCartney - very good but I didn't get to finish it because it's pretty difficult to breastfeed and read/turn the pages over at the same time).

Both girls behaved impeccably on holiday. We were only in Ireland, but the weather was fantastic so it felt like Spain until we dipped our toes into the Atlantic and remembered we were on the north coast of Ireland - Brrrrrrrr. The Bean didn't enjoy the flight as much as I thought, as this was her first flight being over two and therefore having her own seat on the plane. All she wanted was to take her seat belt off and crawl around the floor. I had to restrain her with a bumper pack of Iggle Piggle stickers which ended up being stuck to all our seats. She also threw a tantrum because the Plane wasn't pink, but some things, even mums can't change!

We took the girls to a beach fun fair one day which they loved (well, Pops slept the WHOLE time), but most of the rides were either for toddlers or for toddlers accompanied by parents. This resulted in my husband and I taking turns to squash into tiny rides made for tiny children. I have bruised shins from the caterpiller ride and I wacked my head on the 'tumble train'. Our mistake was taking The Bean on the Ghost Train. We assumed it would be crap, like all the ghost trains I have ever been on, but we forgot that what is rubbish to an adult is super scary to a two year old. Off The Bean went beaming with happiness into the ghost train tunnel... a couple of minutes later she came out the other end clinging onto her Dad and crying for me. My husband said it was actually really scary and skeletons were popping up all over the place. The Bean calmed down with an ice cream (a pink one of course) but spent the evening telling us not to take her back to the 'dark place'. We felt like the worse parents in the world!

Luckily she seems to have forgotten all about it now and if I ask her about the fair, all she talks about is the helter skelter which was brilliant. Anyway, after about one hundred ice creams later we returned home on the plane last night. When we got to Heathrow and collected our bags we realised that The Bean's buggy hadn't arrived. As the baggage reclaim room emptied we found ourselves standing with six other families, all with toddlers, all without buggies. Apparently they had left all our buggies at the airport we departed from... By this stage we had waited for an hour to find out where our six buggies were, all our kids were tired and hungry and it was bedtime and we were all at Heathrow, Then an Edinburgh flight arrived and the same thing had happened to another set of parents. Now, It did strike me that if you didn't have enough baggage room on a flight you might 'accidently' leave behind the bulkier baggage i.e buggies, rather than leave suitcases behind. I just wanted to warn other parents that this happened and that it could be awkward, especially if you are travelling on your own with more then one child and you rely on that buggy.... Please let me know if this has ever happened to you as I was pretty annoyed by it. We didn't get home until 10.30pm, with a very tired grumpy newborn and a toddler who had to have chocolate buttons for tea....

Our buggy still hasn't arrived...

So we've muddled along and reached six weeks. Pops is now pretty big, well over ten pounds and doing really well. I definitely don't feel as sleep deprived as I did with The Bean, but life is much more of a juggling act. This morning I tried to pay a few household bills over the phone with a crying baby and eventually when she realised I wouldn't play with her, a crying toddler too. Needless to say nothing got paid. I did remember to fill out my child benefit form (which all parents are entitled too, so don't forget to do it) and my washing machine is just about managing the strain of washing newborn and toddler clothes, my clothes and my husbands (notice that my husbands clothes are last on this list, i'm afraid the girls in my house get priority!)

I also had my first dilemma today. I was driving somewhere with Pops and The Bean and both had fallen asleep. Then I realised I had no petrol. So, should I fill the car, then wake both children and haul them into the petrol station to pay? Or, should I run in and pay leaving my sleeping children in a car in a London petrol station? I did the latter but locked all the doors. I didn't want to wake them and I kept my eyes on my car the whole time. If anyone had got within an inch of my car I would have been over in a mili-second ready with a rubbish rugby tackle.

Six weeks on and I feel a lot better too. There is no more pain with the stitches and tears and I no longer wince when sitting down. Slowly, day by day, the memory of the birth and labour fade in my mind and i'm definitely forgetting the pain. In fact, in my mind it wasn't really that painful... my mum was right - you do forget the pain of labour and i find myself describing the experience to my pregnant friends as 'pretty good really', amazing what the mind can do...

So Pops is the perfect baby all day, she practically sleeps all the time and when she is awake she is very calm and contented. She's also the perfect baby at night, she wakes every three hours for a feed and goes straight back to sleep again. The problem seems to be in the evenings. Now I know I shouldn't complain as she is so good, but I am determined to reclaim my evenings. From about 8pm onwards (roughly the time I put The Bean to bed and start winding down) Pops starts crying and only seems satisfied when she is continuously feeding from me. She get quite frustrated at the breast and her whole demeanor is unsettled. At around 11pm when I go to bed she has her last feed and settles for the night. Is this colic? My instincts tell me not, because she doesn't seem that upset, but bouts of unexplained crying do suggest colic. I wouldn't mind getting my evenings back, just so I can feel sane after being with a toddler and a newborn all day. It's also tiring to feed Pops all evening. On the plus side my baby weight is dropping off rapidly because Pops is taking so much from me! Today I had my six-week 'third degree tear' check, where they check the stitches and the healing process. My mum always told me that after you have a baby you lose all inhibitions and smear tests and the like are a breeze. Well, this wasn't exactly a breeze, but I definitely didn't feel embarrassed as I beared all.... Thankfully everything is healing well and the consultant even mentioned whether I planned to have more children! Mmmmmmm Some of you have emailed me about not being able to register onto gurgle.com recently. We're sorry for any complications anyone experiences and we know about the problem. We are constantly updating and trying to make gurgle.com better for you, but sometimes in the process, snags can happen. We are working to fix this and we hope you continue to visit gurgle for all your parenting queries whilst we update the site. We promise you you an even better gurgle eventually!

Yep, it's official, i'm exhausted! Juggling a toddler and new baby is definitely hard work. I laugh at statements I read in books like 'sleep when your baby is sleeping' and 'try to get as much rest as possible'. The problem with looking after two children of different ages is that they aren't in synch when it comes to sleep, which means no time off at all for mummy. I'm surviving by drinking loads of cups of tea - who knows what effect this has on breastmilk! I'm reading 'The Best Friends Guide to Motherhood', by Vicki Iovine, and she states that if a normal human being experienced that same sleep deprivation as a new mum, they would be verging on psychotic by now! Luckily, second time around, you're well used to it and you also realise that it doesn't last forever. The other issue is remembering to eat. The first time around when The Bean was born I remember being hungry all the time, but this time, possibly because i've got quite a lot on my hands, I keep forgetting to eat and have basically survived on cereal or finishing off The Bean's leftover sweetcorn. I'm going home to see my mum tomorrow so I'm looking forward to being pampered with food (mum already phoned me to ask whether i wanted a roast - Mmmmm) cups of tea and the ultimate luxury - a bath! My eyes are feeling heavy as i'm writing this and I know that even if I do fall asleep, i'll have to wake in a couple of hours to feed Pops, still, both my girls are fast asleep so i'll take advantage of the situation and get some shut eye, if only for 20 mins....

The Bean has started biting and hitting other children at the toddler group we go to. I can't ignore the fact that her behaviour coincides with the arrival of Pops, but it could also be the terrible twos. It's fairly embarrassing when your child is the only one in the room being horrible to other children. At home we sit her on the naughty step and let her know what she has done wrong, at nursery I give her a stern telling off and remove her from any situation which is fraught but she still seems to misbehave day after day. Of course she is a perfect angel for her Dad, so I half suspect he doesn't believe me when I tell him the mischief she's been making... I asked my mum what I was like as a toddler and guess what - I went through a stage of biting and hitting other children when I was two years old - Is history repeating itself? Has she inherited something from two-year-old me? At least my mum said it didn't last for long, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a bad mother when my child has whacked someone over the head with a saucepan! All suggestions on dealing with naughty toddler will be greatly appreciated! Pops is sleeping well and because of The Bean's behaviour, largely gets ignored. This is probably a good thing and I'm hoping she be less needy in the long run... I still feel guilty that I can't spend enough one-on-one time with her, as I did with The Bean when she was small. I've talked to other mums and this seems to be a familiar worry for most second-time-around parents. I wonder of it is easier for Octopus' when they have second babies - what I need are more arms... I went to a Hen 'lunch' on saturday and took Pops. Because she is only three weeks old and sleeps for almost all of the time she's great to take out and about with me. In fact she slept quite happily when someone else's four year old stepped on her carrycot, not realising their was a baby asleep! We had lunch at Petersham Nurseries in Richmond, which was lovely. There were three of us breastfeeding and two pregnant ladies and one with a toddler, but the restaurant staff didn't seem to mind and nor did the other diners. It's really refreshing to know that people are more tolerant of breastfeeding in public now. It is also worth mentioning that we were all very discreet and had muslins covering our modesty. So there you have it, yes it was a hen night, and no i'm afraid we stuck to white wine spritzers but at least we got our boobs out...

I had to take Pops for her first 'weigh in'. Unfortunately the nice friendly GP's who used to hold the baby clinic have stopped doing it now (it's apparently down to funding) and I had to drive to a clinic ages away, park the car on a meter and rush to be seen by 11.30am. Getting out of the house with a toddler and a newborn is a military mission - I have to be ultra organised - which I am not - and I have to remember two sets of nappies/wipes/muslins/juice/snacks and of course sanitary towels! The good news is that Pops has put on loads of weight - she's nearly ten pounds (I can't believe some women have to give birth to ten pound babies - not sure i'd fancy that!) It also means that breastfeeding is going well, although Pops still tends to cluster feed in the evening. This means she is basically feeding continuously all evening until I go to bed at around 11pm. I mentioned this to the health visitor who suggested that Pops could have a bit of colic and she might be feeding for comfort rather than hunger. Her advice was to properly wind Pops after every feed, for at least a minute. I've probably rushed winding her a bit because i've had to deal with The Bean, so now I'm going to take more time over Pops to see if this helps. It's a quiet moment as i'm typing this. Both my daughters are asleep. The health visitor asked if i was managing to get any rest in the day as this can help with my milk supply - i practically laughed in her face. It's very rare that they sleep at the same time and if they do i have mountains of washing to sort out... might just close my eyes and have a quick rest now though...Zzzzzzzz

No one said it would be easy looking after a newborn and a toddler but I AM TIRED! The Bean is definitely having more tantrums than usual and it's a battle to get her to do anything. I basically have to bargain with her to do the simplest thing; if you put your shoes on we can go to the park, or, if you have a nap now like a good girl, we'll go and have a babychino in Starbucks (yes -tragically this is one of my bargainning tools!) I know the terrible twos have coincided with the birth of my second daughter so most of The Bean's behaviour is probably because my attention is elsewhere at the moment. The problem is i'm breastfeeding Pops on demand, so The Bean is left up to her own naughty devices while this happens. This morning we were at a mother and toddler group and whilst I was feeding Pops I saw The Bean twist another little boys EAR because he was trying to take her pretend croissant out of the pretend cooker. Part of me wanted to laugh (male/female power struggle in the kitchen?) , but instead I dashed across the room with Pops still attached to me and told The Bean off - yep comical! On the plus side, The Bean keeps telling me that she loves me which is possibly the sweetest thing your child can ever say - whether they understand the meaning or not. Pops is still a really content newborn and we are approaching three weeks old this week. Time seems to be flying by already and Pops has lost that 'newborn' look. She has small pink spots similar to acne on her face, which I remember The Bean having. Her skin is also peeling which the midwife says is because her skin was submerged in water when she was inside me so is reacting to the world outside! I'm giving her massages with olive oil to help. Pops practically sleeps all day, but sadly not all night. Last night she decided she was hungry every two hours, but she went straight to sleep after each feed so I still don't feel as shattered as I did with The Bean where I was pacing the bedroom trying to get her to fall asleep again. The health visitor reminded me that because we live in London, Pops has to have her BCG injection soon... it just seems so cruel! The Bean is SO ready to be potty trained. She tells me each time she needs a wee or poo, but because I also have a three week old baby i'm burying my head about it. Think how much i'd have to pack in my already bulging Cath Kidston bag if I had to take a few changes of clothes for The Bean too... I will have to start soon though as The Bean starts nursery in September and I would really like her to be potty trained before then. Plus she HATES nappies! And as for me... i'm pretty low down on the priority list once i've got the girls sorted and fed and washed, but i've finished the pain killers the hospital prescribed when I was discharged so i'm surviving on Paracetamol. It's still painful to get up and down from the sofa as anyone who has had third degree tears will agree, but each day is better. I'm sure i'd be in more pain if i'd had a c-section? I'm just re-reading Jools Oliver's book, Minus nine to one, as it's interesting to see how she coped with a toddler and a newborn. It is lovely and rewarding and I feel very lucky, but i'm also exhausted and have NO time to myself anymore. To top it off this week Desperate Housewives finishes and so does The Apprentice - the only thing on TV seems to be football matches for Euro 2008 which seems unfair - when is there a month of TV for the ladies?